crippling fear

They say having a kid changes the way you see/handles things in your life, and boy, does it ever.

This morning, I woke up around 3:30 to the sound of some powerful winds. By 4:15, my phone was beeping with text alerts from the local newspaper/national weather service regarding tornado warnings in our county.

Pre-Cooper, I would have rolled over and gone back to sleep, which is what I attempted to do. But then it got windier. And windier. So I woke up the husband, as I was absolutely terrified. I mean, I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed to see what it looked like.

He got up and said not to worry. He took my phone away so I'd stop reading all the darn updates {we live on the border of two counties, so I was receiving texts for both.}

I got emotional. I told him we needed to grab our baby and run to the basement NOW. With a mattress. And water. And a year's supply of food. He disagreed. I was about to take Coop and go myself, but when I checked on him and he was sleeping so peacefully I couldn't bring myself to wake him up.

After a couple hours, everything died down enough for me to get a little sleep. After I woke up, I almost had myself convinced I was a lunatic and it wasn't as bad at the thoughts that had been crossing my mind.

About a half hour later, while pumping, I turned the TV on to the local news station. This is the video of the scenes they were showing.



Immediately, I burst into tears. That could have been us. My husband, our baby and myself could have been trapped under all that. Never mind that this was in another state and about an hour away, it scared the living heck out of me.

Hubby and Coop both saw I was a hormonal mess and tried to comfort me. I mean, my three-month old is on the ground shrieking and cooing trying to make me smile while I'm losing it. What is wrong with me?

Nothing, I've decided. I'm a mom now who loves her baby and doesn't want anythng to harm him or any of us. While I used to sit on the front porch as a sotrm appraoched, or at least in front of the window, now my priorites are keeping my little family safe.

And it's not just thunderstorms/tornado watches. I freak out if Cooper is in the car with me and I see someone swerving. No way I speed with him in there. I think all other drivers on the road are idiots {which may be true in Southeast Missouri ...}

I guess you could just say I only want the best for this little guy ...

The storms are expected to continue through the day. Hubby drives a box truck for work and high winds can make those things topple over since they are tall, but without a lot of weight at the top. I told him if it gets super windy, he better pull over. And if he's in the middle of nowhere, he pulls over on the side of the road and crawls into the ditch.

Yeah, I think he's working on a Xanax perscription for me right now.

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