One year

One year ago (April 5, 2011) we saw this:

And now, we have this:

Thank you, Jesus.

pack your bags!

It would make sense that now my son is almost 10 weeks old I am finally wrapping up my posts on pregnancy/before he was here. Like several of my other posts, this is something I want to reference for my next pregnancy. Plus, I have some preggo blog friends and know posts like this were super-helpful to me.

Anyhow, here's what we packed and my notes on some:

• Camera. Duh. And batteries/the charger. We did use our iPhones a lot and they do take great pictures, but of course we still wanted the big one.
• All the number of people who need to be called/texted programmed in your phone :) Although not all text messages may go out. Sigh.
• Slippers/flip flops. I took both, but next time I'll just do flip flops. For the most part, I was burning up while in the hospital. But I'm not big on wearing shoes/socks either.
• Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, loofah. The hosptial does provide these, but I'm picky.
• Lotion
• Ear plugs - didn't use.
• Fan. My mom bought me one of those battery operated ones that you can also use to squirt water with, but it never came out of the bag. I will pack it again next time though, because labor could be much different.
• Magazines/cards/books - didn't make it out of the bag. We watched TV and played on our phones when bored, but honestly, pre-baby, we just slept. (LOVE epidural/catheters :))
• Snacks/hard candy. Hubby LOVED having snacks in the room. And as a breastfeeding mom who wanted five meals a day, it came in handy for me as well. Our hospital did have a room for patients/spouses with juice, water, sodas, jello/pudding and lunchables however, so we probably could have survived on those as snacks - especially the cracker lunchables as my late-night snacks :) Also, our hosptial provides three meals a day for the patient and hubby too. It was so nice to not have to leave!
• Quarters - for the vending machine. Again, not something we needed :)
• Notebook - to keep track of things for the birth story! I LOVED this. Although we probably could have used the notes app on our phones as well. It's nice to have while you are learning things like how to bathe, take temperature, etc.
• Insurance and ID cards. We were pre-registered and actually did not need these.
• Prenatal vitamins/iron pills (I was anemic). Didn't use.
• Baby onesies, hats, socks, mittens. YES!!! I hated seeing my little nugget in the generic hospital stuff. Next time, I'll probably have it sitting out so he can be put in that immediately rather than the plain white onesie. Of course, you'll also need an outfit to come home in. We bought a 3 month at Carters and even though Cooper was 10 lbs, it was HUGE! Definitely will buy newborn next time.
• Swaddling blanket. Mine didn't come out, we used the hospitals because we actually really liked it. We don't really like any of ours, next time I'll get some of the muslin ones that everyone raves about - they are similar to the hospital one I wish I would have brought home :(
• Hair clips, pony tail holders, head bands - because you won't fix your hair and need it to be pulled back during labor at least.
• iPod - stayed in the bag. Had I done the natural thing though, it would have been nice, so it will go again next time.
• Phone charger
• Makeup - didn't come on until our last day.
• Straightener - only used last day (but nice for that coming home picture)
• Hair dryer - our hospital had them in the room, so it didn't come out of the bag.
• Car seat - of course!
• Clothes for mom:
• I thought about taking my own gown, but decided I didn't want to spend that money for something that would be ruined. It was a lot easier to wear a gown at first though, but I was totally ready to get into real clothes on day 2. (I didn't get out of bed other than to use the restroom that first day.)
• I lived in black yoga-style pants and nursing tanks with easy-access shirts on top. Like I mentioned, I got really bad hot flashes in the hospital and the nursing tanks made it SO much easier when learning to breastfeed.
• I took clothes that I could wear at about six months to wear home - and I was EXTREMELY swollen. I intended to wear mat jeans but just got lazy and decided not to change.
• If you plan to nurse, you shouldn't need any breastfeeding supplies like pads or the pump. I actually got lots of samples. And soothies became my best friend once my milk came in, but we were home by then.
• The baby book (if you're doing one) so you can get the footprints :)
• Dad's things - clothes and toiletries. I intended to bring a blanket and pillows for hubby, but the hospital provides those and he isn't picky, so we left it at home - less to drag.
• Folders for info: I took a couple (because you get LOTS of paperwork) but didn't use them, as our hospital provides a binder. But I would have if it weren't for that binder.
• Boppy - once again, our hospital provides one to take home. But I LOVED this and think it would be helpful even for a mom who doesn't plan to nurse, because baby feels super heavy on the belly after just giving birth.
• Birth plan. As I mentioned, it never came out of the bag. Even if you don't have one, make sure the nursery knows if you prefer the baby doesn't get a pacifier - I verbally told our nurses, but Coop ended up with one :( They say it should be posted somewhere on the bassinet.
• A robe. Nice in case you are walking the halls (as I did when we went and was release the day before Coop was born) to help move things along. Those gowns aren't too attractive!
• "Big girl" panties and other feminine products. I didn't pack any as a friend who delivered at the same hospital told me her nurses wouldn't allow any of that. My nurses would have OKd it, but I actually LOVED the mesh hospital panties and figured I was paying for all that, so I may as well take advantage of it. But to each his/her own.
• Things to have once you get home: hemerrhoid ointment (just in case), witch hazel pads, Motrin (for the pain), stool softeners (to keep things moving, especially if you have hemerrhoids). I didn't think of any of this but luckily my cousin owns a pharmacy just a mile or so from the hosptial and came to my rescue!
• Also, I didn't take one, but next time around would do garbage bags for dirty laundry, and a tote. You will get gifts in the hospital, and it's nice to have something to put them in, instead of making your husband have to carry them all to the car in several trips :)

I think that wraps it up! Obviously, things will be different for each labor, but for anyone else reading this, I hope I did a good job of explaining WHY we didn't use certain things. Definitely ask during your hospital tour what they provide so you aren't hauling a bunch of needless things!

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Let's talk about stretch marks

Like most pregnant women, I hoped and prayed I wouldn't get stretch marks. My mom said she'd never had any issues, so I figured I wouldn't either. I bought the belly butter, but only used it 4-5 times a week.

Around 23 weeks (I think) my doctor even noted how I was lucky and didn't have any stretch marks yet.

Woman jinxed me. One morning - not even a week later - I saw it. On the left side of my stomach, below my belly button, was that angry red line.

At that point, I went into belly butter overdrive. We're talking morning AND night. Typically at night, hubby would massage it ALL over, while I focused on just the belly in the mornings.

But there was no stopping them. Baby Cooper apparently grew so quickly that my usually sensitive skin didn't have the time to stretch. When I showed them to my mom in October (six weeks before Cooper was born) she was horrified. By the time I delivered, They were all around my belly. After he was born, I even noticed a couple on my hips.

Are they pretty? No. I'll probably never wear a bikini again. My doc agrees they are bad, but not the worst she's ever seen. They recommend Vitamin E, and I've been using Bio Oil twice a day, which seems to help A LOT. They also say the marks will continue to fade for a year.

Honestly, it really doesn't bother me like I thought it would. In my blissful pre-stretch mark days, I came across this on another mommy blog or board and tucked it back, just in case. Now, it gives me comfort - and I'm hoping will be a good read for some of you other mommies. (And honestly, I don't have near enough marks for all of this, but still a good read!)

A mark for every breath you took,

every blink, every sleepy yawn.

One for every time you sucked your thumb

waved hello, closed your eyes,

and slept in the most perfect darkness.

One for every time you had the hiccups.

One for every dream you dreamed within me.

… It isn’t very pretty anymore.

Some may even think it’s ugly.

That’s OK.

It was your home.

It held you until my arms could

and for that,

I will always find something beautiful in it.

The birth plan that wasn't

I never would have even thought to have a birth plan if it weren't for blogging. And man, there are some total rockstars out there, which totally made me think I could handle all the pain of childbirth without meds. Haha.


Anyhow, I wanted to keep this plan to look back and laugh on someday. Seriously, it never even made it out of my bag. But that's OK - I always knew I would be open to whatever and that what I wanted a month before labor would probably be different. Plus Cooper was a very big baby, I'd had some kidney issues and more. 

My notes are in blue text :)

* All parts of the plan are subject to change if mother/baby are in distress. Michelle also realizes that some preferences can not be allowed if she does use pain medication.
 • Only Jimmy is allowed in labor/delivery room. This totally happened. Mostly just because other than my parents, no one else even knew we were in labor :)


• Pain medication/epidural upon request only. If possible, let Jimmy know when the last chance is for the epidural so he can let Michelle know. Although I caved, I did request this. Not sure if they would have encouraged me to get one had I tried to wait it out.


• Michelle prefers to bring her own music and be allowed to labor in whatever position is most comfortable to her at the time. If possible, she would like a room with a tub, and access to a birth ball. I don't think I could have handled music! I did take a bath the first time, and by the time we got to the hospital when I was really in labor, I was so tired and immediately got the epidural, I just wanted to lie down and rest.


• Prefer hep-lok only. Ended up with an IV ...


• Prefer not to receive pitocin I got it and reacted horribly. Not only did it not push me into labor, it made me extremely emotional and put me in a lot of pain. If/when we have another, I'll REALLY try to avoid this.


• Prefer intermittent fetal monitoring. Sorta. If I didn't have to be hooked up, I was't.


• Goal is a vaginal birth Yup! Although they told me at my pp checkup that had they known Coop was so big, I would have been a scheduled c-section. Whenever I have another, we will have a u/s at the end to check size, but hopefully I can try to avoid a c-section even if Baby 2 is also big.


• Episiotomy only if necessary My doc prefers to let pts tear on their own and since my labor progressed in a typical timeline, I probably wouldn't have torn had Cooper not been so broad and practically be pulled out. All things considered, I didn't think a second degree tear was bad.


• Prefer no vacuum extraction or forceps be used None


• Prefer cord is not cut until it stops pulsating, offer Jimmy the chance to cut Due to Cooper's traumatic entrance, hubby didn't get to cut the cord :(


• Allow breastfeeding as soon as possible after birth. I think it was about 2 hours? I held him after about 30 minutes though. And Cooper is a pro so no problems.


• If Michelle is unable to breastfeed, offer Jimmy the opportunity for 1 hour of skin-to-skin contact with baby. N/A


• No one in to visit until consent is given by Jimmy and/or Michelle Again, no one knew we were in labor :)


• Prefer no pacifiers, sugar water or formula be offered to the baby Oh boy this is a big one! It was smooth sailing until my last day, when the nursery brought Coop to my room with a pacifier in his mouth, to be fed! One of the primary reasons not to use a paci at first is to avoid nipple confusion - which lactation consultants, etc. preach! So it was very upsetting to see. They tried to brush it off by saying they didn't know that (I had verbally told nurses the day he was born) and that there should have been something on his crib to note that. How the heck was I supposed to know that? Anyhow, the LC told me not to worry about it and said that, sometimes, nursery workers will just pop in a pacifer if the kid is unsettled. Ugh.


• If the baby is a boy, circumcision is to be performed.


• If a c-section is necessary, Michelle wants Jimmy to be present during the operation and to have the screen lowered a bit so she can watch the birth.


• Following delivery, we wish for all possible newborn procedures to take place in the room. This pretty much happened. It was just across the room and we had no idea what was going on.


• We will decide sleeping arrangements depending on how we are feeling. We took advantage of the nursery while we could! Being first-time parents, we were scared and knew we would not sleep wondering if Cooper was OK, so after his check at 9-10 p.m. both nights, we told them to keep him and only bring him to the room for feedings. In our opinion, this was a big help in getting us semi well-rested before we went home.


• Prefer parents be included in the process for the first bath. We didn't get the first - I was still in bed and didn't want to be alone - but we did join in giving Cooper a bath/learning how on Thursday night (He was born Wednesday.) For us, that was good :)

Keeping the spark ...

So for the past six or so weeks, I've been on the hormone roller coaster. I'm up, I'm down, sometimes I don't even know how I feel. It's all very strange to me.

Unfortunately, hubby seems to catch all of the moodiness. Ironically, about two months ago, he told me one of his friends/customers asked about me and he commented on how great of a preggo I was, that I didn't have any of those horrible mood swings you always hear about.

That's when he jinxed himself.

For me, I think it's just the anxiety of everything. I want to have the house in order. I want to make sure we have everything we'll need to get us through those first couple of weeks, because I'm pretty sure hubby will want to spend time at home with us, not running to the store. Honestly, I'm scared to be responsible for a newborn - I've never been around witty bitty babies without their parents, and they are so tiny, I'm afraid I'll hurt them. Fact: Last night, I had a dream that I couldn't burp the baby because I was so afraid of hurting him/her.

I'm a control freak, hubby is a go-with-the-flow guy. Hello, hormones!

Obviously, this irritates the crap out of me. Whenever I ask him to do something like vacuum, he says OK and after two hours of him sitting on the couch staring at the TV, it's going to make me go off. When he mows the lawn instead of panting, I'm gonna get upset. Enter my evil twin.

For weeks we fought pretty much every day about something and end up with me in tears. This wasn't good for our marriage or the baby, who totally reacts every time I get upset. So many times I've said I just can't keep fighting like that and vowed to give up and just lower my expectations. And two days later, we were back at it again. Seriously, I don't know how many times I told him that as bad as we were fighting over these crazy little things, we would have broken up had we not been married and expecting a babe. It was nothing earth-shattering, of course, just the constant bickering because we were both so headstrong.

This past week has been better. Then yesterday morning, he made a comment (that I don't even remember now, if that tells you how menial it was) that just rubbed me away. I thought about yelling back. I considered throwing the egg I was making him for breakfast in his face.

But then I decided that instead of focusing on what he was saying/doing that I didn't agree with, to listen to what he was saying, the point he was making. Yes, I am pregnant and yes, I have crazy hormones and am exhausted all the time. But does that really give me a free pass to treat my husband like a pile of dog crap 50 percent of the time? No. And of course he's not going to kiss up and fall all over me when I'm treating him that way.

In childbirth class, they teach you to try to visualizing a "happy place" when you are having those horrible contractions. I decided to try that in this situation. Instead of thinking about how mad I was and all the things I wanted to do/say, I reminded myself how much I love my husband and told myself to remember that. I closed my eyes and remembered our wedding day and the moment that we locked eyes while I was walking down the aisle. Then I walked off to begin getting ready for the day.

You know what? He immediately noticed the difference. As I walked him to the front door to lock up, he apologized for his attitude. Last night when we got home from work, he helped me do a few things in the nursery.

Sometimes, you just have to quit pointing the finger at the other person, and turn it around to yourself ...

Pregnant-isms

• The best compliment you can give a pregnant woman is to tell her that she's only gained in her belly. About a week ago, I was at Aldi and when I walked around to get my cart, the cashier exclaimed "Oh! You're pregnant!" and asked how far along I was. Let's hope I don't get a puffy face in these next 3-4 weeks.
• Stores should be nicer about helping pregnant woman with heavy packages. About a month ago, I was at Wally World and didn't take my case of sodas out of the cart (I never do) and the cashier asked if I needed help to my car. I didn't, but gold star for them. So I figured today when I went to pick up some items I'd ordered site to store, I wouldn't have any problem getting someone to take it to my truck. I asked, and the lady was kinda nasty and like "we'll see if someone is available." Once she disappeared to look for my items, the other associate assured me they would find someone. Luckily, a guy I know came walking in and just plain offered. Not only that, he just walked back and found the third item, which, according to the associates, wasn't showing up in the computer. But according to my account, it had been at the store since Wednesday???
• Is it normal to feel twice as big at night than you do in the morning?
• I'm going to miss "blaming" this baby for everything. Yesterday, again, I was craving cookies. Luckily I had a big tub of the dough from Sam's and whipped up a couple pans. And ate about one. Then proceeded to tell my husband I baked them for my "boys" (we both think Tuff is a boy). And he rolled his eyes. Maybe I can continue to feed Tuff's cravings through breastmilk?
• Being pregnant makes you feel better about and have an excuse for going to bed at the top of the seventh inning when your fave baseball team is in the World Series and behind by two runs. Then rallies and ends up winning in 11 innings, and your husband comes to bed at midnight and wakes you up to tell you about the awesomeness you missed. Sigh.
• There's a girl I know who is due around the same time I am, but has been experiencing lots of contractions. And I was happy (so evil, I know) to learn that she doesn't have any progress yet either.
• I want to kill my husband about 50 percent of the time. The other 50 percent, I am terrified of the day he has to go back to work (he only has four or five days to use) and leaves me alone with this baby.
• When you are with child, you can drop hints about anything to your friends/family and your wish will be granted. I don't know how many times I mentioned I was craving a dish to my mom on the phone, only to tell her to swing by after my next doctors appointment and it's there waiting for me :)
• While in the guy stores with your husband, you find anything to sit on. The other night, it was a display of 50 lb. bags of horse feed.
• For the first time in your life, you are OK with things being all about you. I've been far more of a mom-zilla than I was a bride-zilla.
• These are just a few of my experiences. I'm sure there will be more :)