Mother of the Year

Mother of the Year ... that's a phrase I use pretty often these days. And it's as sarcastic as it can be.

Take, for instance, the day a few weeks ago that my mom was over and Coop fell over and hit his head. He's done it before and this one wasn't near as hard as it's been, so after I glanced over and saw it was nothing, went on my way.

{We have a 'rule' in our house that we don't make a big deal out of falls, bumps, etc. In face, we usually cheer for him - don't want to raise a crybaby who just reacts.}

Anyhow, here's the conversation that followed:

Mom: "Michelle, he hit his head!"
Me: "Yeah. He's done it before, he's OK."
Mom: "But he hit it really hard. He's crying."
Me: "Well, if he's crying it means he's breathing."
{For the record, I did go over to give him some love, just not immediately.}

Mother of the Year right there...

Sorry if that makes you cringe. But seriously, he was fine - like I said, he'd done it before and it's just not something we obsess over. Yes, I am his mother and the source of comfort. But in being his mother, I also have that mother's intuition to know when something is wrong.

What I'm running into now are more of the internal struggles. I'm really hoping it's normal and that all my mommy friends aren't lying to me when they say it is.

Take, for instance, a few weeks ago. Cooper had been teething and I was home with him through the fussiness for a full day and a half. I'd planned to use my Friday to go shopping, but when that didn't pan out, I decided to just make a quick trip to Cape on Saturday and leave the boys at home.

Notsomuch. Hubby insisted that he and Coop accompany me. I tried to fight it, but couldn't convince them to stay at home.

Mother of the Year ...

Sunday, I was working hard trying to organize things in Cooper's room. If I told him to leave something alone once, I told him 10 times. Yes, I realize he is too small to really understand these things, but still. At the same time, hubby was outside working, I felt overwhelmed, and the twelth time that Cooper got into the diapers on the shelf, I totally raised my voice. "Cooper, will you please stop!" I said with mounting frustration.

Sweet angel baby, he looked at me and laughed. And I cried.

Mother of the Year ...

Apparently I was so loud when I raised my voice that hubby, who was actually downstairs, heard me. That night, I lost it. I told him I need a break - just one whole day to myself, not having to worry about work or family.

He replied that we're going to Branson on a work trip for him in a few weeks, so I'll get a break. "But Hubby, I need a full day without you OR Cooper. I want to go to the spa and turn off my phone."

Mother AND Wife of the Year ...

Honestly? I love those boys. So much my heart aches - cliche, but true. But a woman just needs a break every now and again! I told hubby to think of it this way - most every day of the week, he makes it home around 4:30 p.m. That gives him almost a solid hour of "me" time to kick up his feet or do whatever suits his fancy before I make it home. I am insanely jealous of that time.

I'm jealous that he gets to sleep in on the weekends while I am the one to get up. I'm jealous that he has the energy to stay up and watch TV, whereas I am falling asleep on the couch around 9 p.m., then waking up at 10 to pump and go to bed.

Please tell me this is normal. And while I may not be in the running for Mother of the Year, I shouldn't expect a visit from social services soon, right?

Dear God .... Thank you for all of the blessings you have given me. I am so, so fortunate that I have a wonderful, handsome hubby and sweet, angel baby to complain about. Clearly, I don't deserve this wonderful life with which you have blessed me. So, please give me the patience and understanding I need to live this life to the fullest!

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  1. This exactly.

    Last night I felt the anger brewing inside me. I sat there feeling resentment towards Craig for sitting on the couch playing on his iphone and watching tv, while I busted my butt to do ALL the cleaning and Grayson related things that needed done. I worked the entire time I was home until I went to bed. Sure, I got TV time for 30 minutes and got to browse on my iphone (WHILE pumping, so there again - not "me" or "free" time). I felt a chip on my shoulder all of last night over it. I love my son more than my own life but I do resent, get mad and jealous over how much more my life had to change than my husband's. I feel like he should do more so I can do just a little less. :(

  2. "If he's crying, it means he's breathing." I LOVE IT! We do the same thing around here.

    Something else we do around here is alternate days for sleeping in. J sleeps in on Saturdays and I get Sundays. Even when I had to nurse or pump for T, I would immediately go back to bed, if it was my day. We also trade off for things like dishes. Makes a huge difference for me.

    Wanting "me" time and feelings of frustration toward my kid are both something I am VERY familiar with, so I'm going to say those are normal. T is going through what someone told me is the Velcro Stage, where he literally clings to my legs. GET OFF ME! Then last night I actually told my husband I didn't want to sleep in the same bed with him, so I could have some breathing room. Who does that? Apparently you need to make room on the podium to share your mother and wife of the year awards.


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